There was this guy who lived in Chicago. He was very successful at his job. He had a wife and was happily married. And he had lots of money. Then one day he heard A Voice. The Voice said, “Quit your job, sell your property, and move to Las Vegas.” He said to himself, “What was that all about?” All that day he heard The Voice over and over and over. It was driving him crazy! He decided he was working too hard so he took the next day off.

While he was at home he kept hearing The Voice. “Quit your job, sell all your property, and move to Las Vegas.” He finally decided to move. So the next day he quit his job, sold his property and moved to Las Vegas.

When he got there The Voice said, “Go to the Stardust Casino.” So he went there. He got there and The Voice said, “Go to the Roulette Wheel. Put all your money on red 16.” So he does. The man behind the wheel started it to spin around and around and around. It finally stops on black 12. The Voice says, “WELL, SHIT!”

Dumb Blonde

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she's peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."

But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads... (Get ready for this!)

"W I N A B A G E L"